Airport security and dancing
I had to cancel a trip to the US for meetings today because of respiratory infection. While I was a tad disappointed by this (my wife and family were overjoyed, strangely) it was also a relief not to have to go through the ignominy of the security checks of US airports (note I say US and not North America – my trip to Canada was as sweet as going through Chennai airport in better times).
With the current heightened security environment caused by the FBI warning to India about possible Al-Quaeda attacks on southern Indian airports, I was planning to check in three hours earlier then required. And I was worried about the security in LAX where I was supposed to land this time as a passenger from south India sporting a beard.
In previous trips to the US, I have devised something called the ‘DC Dance’ for going through security at US airports. It starts even before you leave for the airport. You dress as smartly and formally as possible, without wearing a jacket (I hate jackets). This usually for me means a nice powder blue shirt, black trousers and black formal shoes. I hate the shoes especially because they are murder on your feet before, during and after 11-hour flights in Economy. Also, hate wearing them to the toilet in planes.
Make sure all your coins and keys are backed in your bags. And when you get to the security counter do not act nonchalant. Watch the security procedure carefully and when you get close to the X-ray machine (this is the dance part) take off all metallic items that are removable (woe unto those who have metal plates fixed in their bodies, make sure you have a doctor’s certificate or something) from person. For me this includes a small gold chain my co-brother gave me for my engagement, my marriage ring, my lucky charm ring with elephant hair in it, my favourite brass buckled belt etc.. My cell phone and wallet are already in my cabin bags and I just carry my passport and ticket (with all staples removed for good measure). Then you take off your shoes..what relief! The shoes are a necessity because of the ‘shoe bomber’ (Duh!)
And then take your computer out and any camera gear out. And put these all into the tray provided and send in for scanning. The goal of all this is to not get a beep when you walk through the frame and when you get wanded. No beeps – then go collect bags and stuff, get dressed, do not stop anywhere, just board plane.
If not – well, you know the stories.
One story that struck me appeared in the Hindu this Sunday(12 November 2006) and really was a lesson on what should not be done in the air – by American air marshals. According to a wired.com story there is a study that shows that better baggage screening could make a bigger difference than ‘profiling’ (that is, all Muslims with beards are bad – Nah!). The comments to this article seem well informed…but if the recommendations are accepted I will be one of the few(?) people rejoicing.
